


Can You Feel My Heart?

by Vixenfur



Category: Saw (Movies)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, M/M, Shameless Smut, that AU where lawrence gets out alive and saves Adam
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-11-01
Updated: 2014-11-01
Packaged: 2018-04-06 04:45:45
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,030
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4208424
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Vixenfur/pseuds/Vixenfur
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Lawrence shows up at Adam's apartment at 3 in the morning without warning a few months after their first encounter in the bathroom. Lawrence is shaking in desire for the man he's been lusting after for those months, and Adam is more than eager to accept the consequences of their actions.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Can You Feel My Heart?

**Author's Note:**

> This is for the 10 year anniversary of Saw. Me and my best friend cosplayed Lawrence and Adam, me being Lawrence, and went to the theater on Halloween to see it. I cried a lot. The result was this fanfic. Enjoy!

It had to be no earlier than two in the morning when a series of knocks rattled the door of Adam's apartment. He knocked out cold on his couch watching Lost around 11, Dr. Pepper still sticky in his mouth. Disgusted, he swallowed and sighed, his head pounding as he looked at his television, flashing images of a commercial making his eyes burn. The knocking persisted and Adam curled up on his couch, placing a pillow over his head.

It was probably because he needs to pay his water bill, the payment is due in a week, he's been getting calls and alerts on his phone, but every time he manages to save up a penny, he needs to use it on food or toilet paper. Adam hoped to god the one knocking at his door at some godforsaken hour of the night wasn't someone shoving bills in his face.

"Adam, it's me."

Adam's eyes show open in that moment, his heart stopping and instantaneously leaping into his throat. That couldn't be. It absolutely could not be.

He must be imagining things. He was so lonely lately, so so lonely. It wouldn't be surprising if he started hearing voices when it was just the creaking of the stairs or the sounds cars made when they zipped past his apartment complex.

"Are you there?"

Adam blinked, his mind now running faster than before. He was definitely more conscious than he was a few seconds ago, and he definitely did not imagine that voice.

It was real. Adam's head lifted off the pillow as he continued to listen. He didn't know what to say. He swallowed, his heart pounding nervously, hoping the tall, sandy-haired man hadn't left already.

"Coming," he called out hoarsely, but the walls were so paper-thin that he knew Lawrence would hear his voice. Adam stumbled off of the couch, cussing as he nearly fell over, but he regained his balance and stood upright. He yawned and rubbed his nose, finally approaching the door in the blurry darkness of his apartment. With shaking hands, he unhinged the locks and opened the door.

He knew who to expect, he knew the man's voice so well, but the sight of Lawrence Gordon standing in his doorway in the middle of the night made Adam's heart halt and forced him to choke on his words. Lawrence licked his lips nervously, his eyes so intense Adam wanted to curl backwards as if he would actually become smaller.

"I'm sorry for waking you," Lawrence spoke softly, and Adam shook his head, embarrassedly ruffling his hair so it didn't stick up in random, messy tufts. Adam shyly looked up at Lawrence, feeling so small, so inferior to the man before him, with such broad shoulders and a confident air about him.

"If I may ask," Adam started, shuffling his feet, "Why are you at my house at 3 am?" He knew Lawrence found his address in the hospital records, he knew Lawrence could tell his wife a perfectly good reason to visit- simply checking up on the other person who survived Jigsaw's horrid game after a few months- but he didn't know why the hell Lawrence would show up at such a random hour of the night.

Lawrence swallowed, glancing side to side. "Can I come inside?"

Adam simply stepped aside, allowing Lawrence to hobble in, using his cane as support and any objects around him to balance. He must've still been getting used to functioning without two feet to support his broad frame. Adam shut the door, locking it again out of habit since that day, and turned back to Lawrence. He watched in silence, his normal sarcastic humor hidden away inside of him, behind the pounding of his heart and overwhelming wave of emotion that was filling his throat, his lungs, his mouth, making him unable to speak.

Lawrence seemed to be in a similar situation, his eyes resting on Adam's narrow shoulders, his neck as he swallowed, his eyes as he nervously blinked and looked at Lawrence in the same fashion Lawrence looked at him. They both subconsciously scanned the other for any signs of injury, any signs of that night, despite Lawrence's obvious loss of his right foot. Lawrence finally opened his mouth. "I came because I can't stop thinking."

"Thinking?" Adam questioned, and Lawrence took a bit too long to speak. Adam prompted further, "About what?"

"Everything," Lawrence sighed. "That night. Why I was there. Who I am as a person. What I want in life." He realized all of these things pertained to really no one but himself, and there was really no solid reason why he had to come to Adam about it. Maybe it was because Adam was the only other person to truly understand exactly how Lawrence felt, but...

Lawrence continued. "Alison's putting as much space between us as she can at night. Ever since we reunited, we've only hugged once. We haven't even kissed." Adam shifted, not sure how to respond to Lawrence's marriage issues. "I think talk of divorce is coming any moment now."

"I'm sorry," Adam spoke dryly, his heart rate slowing. Did Lawrence just come here to talk? Of course Adam would listen, but he wasn't sure what to talk about if he was asked to talk as well.

Lawrence shook his head. "It was bound to happen even if Jigsaw was never involved with me," he murmured. "Our spark faded months ago. We were mutually agreeing to stay together for Diana, but she's noticing how far apart we are, there's just no point in faking a family for her. It'll be hard for her, but... it's for the best." Adam nodded, trying to show a little support as Lawrence continued. "Work's been stressful. They're all pitying me for my foot and I feel pathetic. I wish I didn't need a goddamn cane to take a couple steps."

Adam couldn't relate. No one gives a shit about him on this planet, so no one has pitied him.

Lawrence sighed. "I've been up for hours and hours at night, my mind spinning, wondering what I was doing, if I learned jack shit from all we've been through that day." He licked his lips and dropped his shoulders. "It's almost as if it was all a waste. I'm probably better off dead." Adam wanted to repel that statement, but he held back, still standing and watching with curiosity and silence. "But I'm not dead and there must be a reason. I keep telling myself it's my daughter and that's a given, but there's something else." Lawrence made eye contact with Adam, and Adam felt heat rush to his face.

What was with that _look_ in Lawrence's blue eyes?

"Every single time I have a moment to myself," Lawrence's voice had changed, its pitch lowering only slightly, but enough for Adam to notice, "I think of you. I think of how you're doing, how you feel about everything, how you're managing, if you're still taking pictures. Every time there's a flash in the corner of my eye, I turn around and look for you, but it's always someone else taking a picture of something else."

"I..." Adam interrupted slowly. "Nothing's changed except for that. I'm taking pictures for the local newspaper. It's better pay but... I still am barely managing in this shithole and I'm fucked if I don't pay my water bill soon so..." He shrugged and looked to the ground. "I haven't done a lot of thinking, I'm too tired to."

"I understand," Lawrence nodded, and let a moment of silence rest between them before he spoke again. "It feels empty without your voice around."

Adam stared, his world stopping at those words.

Sure, he's had romance, he's kissed girls and fucked girls and flirted with girls and gotten hit on by various genders but never, ever has anyone's words made him feel like someone who mattered. He never felt so warm and fuzzy over a goddamn sentence, a couple of words, a single breath.

"Did you get that from some shitty book?" Adam smirked, trying to cover up his embarrassment with witty sarcasm. Lawrence reflected his smile.

"Maybe," Lawrence teased, and Adam laughed, suddenly aware of the space between them. It seemed too large, and he wanted to step forward, but he had no reason to. He noticed the television still on, and the remote was right next to Lawrence, so he stepped over, turning it off and shutting the room in silence. He felt a trickle of hot embarrassment run down his spine. Maybe turning off the white noise behind them was a bad idea- it was like he could hear the tension between them, filling the small physical space that separated them.

Adam stood upright, and Lawrence was so close to him now. The last time Lawrence was so close, his skin was ghostly white, bags under his wild teary eyes, blood splattered on his cheekbones and jaw. His pale lips were trembling, his breaths coming out ragged and uneven. Adam couldn't even see that well past the blur of tears, his eyes squeezed shut most of the few seconds they spent so close together.

But now, Lawrence was right in front of him, flushed a soft pink color, his hair tousled slightly, his lips no longer pasty white, but now a pink tint, and they were moist, and looked like they tasted really good, and his-

Adam blanked out a moment, wondering when he started becoming so gay. He closed his mouth that was apparently opened before- he must've looked like an idiot- and turned his head away to give them more space, but a warm hand moved his face back to Lawrence's.

His heart sped up way too quickly, then steadied into a rapid pace. Their eyes met, and Adam saw his blue eyes, darkened with his blown-up pupils, his skin radiating warmth from all angles. Adam decided it was a perfect moment to make a fool of himself and say something completely stupid, something that would make Lawrence never talk to him again.

"You look like a dog in heat," he smirked as he spoke, but his smile fell when Lawrence didn't respond or laugh, and especially when Lawrence didn't remove his hand. In fact, things seemed to get tighter, hotter, and increasingly tenser.

"Do you want to know why else I can't sleep at night?" Lawrence responded softly after a moment of silence, and Adam's heart raced at his tone of voice. He was definitely implying something and Adam was more than anxious to hear what Lawrence had to say.

"Why?" His voice cracked and Adam felt like a complete dumbass.

Suddenly Adam was yanked even closer, and he didn't even realize he gasped when their lips brushed, when their arms and legs and chests touched, when Lawrence's gentle caress on his cheek turned into a hold on the back of his neck.

Lawrence's eyes narrowed. "I never thought I'd be jacking off like a horny teenager as often as I am just by thinking of you."

"Fuck," Adam breathed, not caring about what else Lawrence had to say. He slammed their lips together, rolling his shoulders forward desperately as they both shared their first kiss. It was like fire, their lips moving together hungrily, passionately. Adam couldn't register when tongues became involved, but he knew he loved it, he fucking loved it, and he opened his mouth wider and wider, letting Lawrence pull his hair back so he could shove his tongue deeper in Adam's throat, loving the feeling of being controlled like he was. Every chick he's banged has just spread their legs and expected Adam to do everything, and it has been incredibly boring and repetitive to Adam, but now, _now,_ he was rock hard just from a goddamn kiss and he couldn't believe he was so turned on from just some tongues, as if he was a 14-year-old virgin making out for the first time.

When they tore apart, Adam was panting, grinding weakly against Lawrence's knee, his hands trembling and his heart racing. Lawrence looked fierce, his eyes fixed intently on Adam's expression, allowing them to catch their breath. As their panting began to slow, Lawrence's eyes flashed a look of anxiety, a look of doubt, but Adam would have none of it.

"Shit, we can talk about it all in the morning, just fuck me already," Adam whined, grabbing Lawrence's wrist and pulling him towards the bedroom. He waited for Lawrence to register and grab his cane, hobbling after Adam to the small room, covered in navy-blue wallpaper. Adam stopped once Lawrence was inside, throwing off his t-shirt and turning towards Lawrence, yanking him close by his shirt collar. Lawrence was in his pajamas, but Adam made a mental note to have some fun with one of his ties one day.

Their lips met again in another kiss, tongues clashing in a mixture of heat and groans, their hands roaming each other's bodies. Adam gasped into Lawrence's mouth as Lawrence grabbed Adam's ass, pulling him forwards and making their hips clash. Adam must've whimpered when he felt their cocks rub together through their pants, his toes curling in anticipation. Lawrence was just as hard, he wanted this just as much as Adam wanted it.

Lawrence rolled his shoulders back, letting his coat fall, and their kiss broke apart when he removed his own shirt. Adam felt a whole new wave of heat roll over him at Lawrence's exposed body. He wasn't ripped or anything, and Adam never found men's bodies sexually attractive, but there was something special about Lawrence, something special about what they were doing and he had to love Lawrence's body. He was letting Adam touch him and hold him and _god_ he didn't want anything else but Lawrence at that moment.

The cane fell against the wall, and Lawrence used Adam for support until they were close enough to the bed. Adam fell backwards, scooting up so he fit on the creaky mattress, licking his lips as Lawrence crawled up his body, watching Adam with as much hunger and desire as a wild animal stalking down its prey. Adam then had to crane his neck up to look at Lawrence, feeling so wonderfully trapped between his strong arms and under his broad torso. His shoulders were strong, indicating no chance of escape, and Adam shuddered. He slipped his hand under his sweatpants, giving himself a few slow strokes. Lawrence watched in silence before sitting up, pulling at the waistband of Adam's pants and tugging it down with Adam's assistance. He tossed the article of clothing aside, then looked at Adam's boxers, barely hesitating before pulling those off as well.

Adam squirmed and whimpered when Lawrence stared at him. It should disgust him, to see a man ravage his naked body like that, but he fucking loved it. He loved it so much he felt like he could finish off just from watching Lawrence's eyes tear him apart. He figured that when Lawrence grabbed his cock, it'd just feel like his own hand, but it was entirely different. He arched up into Lawrence's palm, letting out the sluttiest moan he thinks he's ever made before, twisting his fingers in the sheets. "Shit..."

Lawrence watched with fascination, moving his fingers in just the right ways, rubbing in the perfect spots to make Adam cry out again and again, as if he's never jerked off correctly in his entire life. _"Fuck,_ how the hell d- _ahhhn- -_ how do you _know_ what the hell to do?"

"I'm a doctor," Lawrence spoke huskily, "I study anatomy for a living." Adam threw one arm over his eyes, trying to hide the bright red blush staining his cheeks.

"That shouldn't sound so fucking _hot,"_ Adam whined, his body trembling helplessly as Lawrence removed his hand. "You better fuck me in your goddamn white coat sometime and give me a fucking examination."

Lawrence laughed lightly at his remark, then scanned the nightstand. "Do you have any kind of lubricant?"

"Of course I do, fuck," Adam hissed, not believing how good he felt at the moment. He sat up, yanking the top drawer open and throwing his hand around a few times before he found the familiar bottle. He pulled it out and tossed it to Lawrence, his eyes averted out of embarrassment when Lawrence smirked.

"I thought you were just kidding when you said 'This is the most fun I've had without lubricant!' but I suppose there was some truth in your words," Lawrence teased as he squirted the lube on his hand, placing the bottle aside momentarily as he slicked up his fingers. Adam glared at him, his cheeks flushed.

"Shut the fuck up," Adam muttered, "Anal is addictive. Once you figure it out nothing feels better."

"I study the brain," Lawrence murmured, "But I've had to do a few prostate exams in my career, so..." he gave Adam a devilish grin, "Ready for an examination?"

"You're fucking retarded, just finger me already," Adam hissed, though secretly he was extremely turned on from his words. From what he saw Lawrence do earlier with his hands just on his dick, he knew Lawrence's skill with anal must be flawless. He hoped to god he wouldn't come before actually being fucked- Adam wanted to feel Lawrence inside of him more than anything in that moment. He grit his teeth as Lawrence stretched him, knowing the stings of pain that began the process, but they faded away much faster than they normally did- and then...

"A- _ahhhhh..._ fucking... _hell...!"_ Adam's eyelids fluttered, his body swelling with hot pleasure when Lawrence moved his fingers in some godlike way, rubbing at just the right pressure and speed to make Adam tremble. His legs spread farther, his mouth falling open even more when Lawrence's fingers dove deeper.

"Ohhh _god,_ Lawrence, that.. feels... _ahhh!"_ Adam cried out when Lawrence slowly prodded at his prostate, his body jerking in response. Lawrence's lips quirked victoriously, knowing he found the spot, and his eyes fixated on Adam as he began to move them, rubbing them right along his prostate in just the perfect way to make Adam come undone.

"Ah-hhahhn! Ahh- fu-shit, La-Lawren... ce!" Adam cried out helplessly. He felt as if he was being strung like an instrument- every time Lawrence did something else, he made a whole new noise he didn't know he could make. He felt like a whore, but it felt so good, he could give less shits what everyone else could hear. He had never felt sexual pleasure like this. He wanted to reach climax, and he was right on the edge, but he wanted this feeling to never end. He wanted Lawrence to feel him forever, rub against that spot for ages...

And then the fingers were removed, and Adam gasped loudly, as if he was holding his breath. "Ahh, _fuck..."_

He glanced up, dazed with his hormones as Lawrence pumped his cock with lube. He couldn't recall when Lawrence removed his pants and boxers, but it didn't matter. Lawrence was watching Adam with the hottest, most intense animalistic desire Adam could imagine. Lawrence's eyes feasted on the man laying before him, his legs spread open, his black hair sticking up in all the right places, his cheeks flushed dark red, his lips wet and his hazel eyes filled with need. Lawrence couldn't want anyone else as much as he wanted Adam. He had to hear those moans again, he had to see Adam's face when he drove his cock deep inside of Adam.

Lawrence leaned over Adam's body, rolling the head of his cock along Adam's entrance teasingly. Adam whimpered, rising his hips to meet Lawrence, desperate to be filled, but Lawrence took his time, even softly shushing Adam.

"Don't _'shhhh'_ me," Adam groaned, "Just fuck me already for god's sake, I'm gonna lose my goddamn mind..." Lawrence only grinned, then watched every movement of Adam's face as he slid himself inside of Adam.

Lawrence imagined his face to be incredibly hot, but his imagination could never compare to what he saw in front of him. Adam's expression, twisted with pleasure, made Lawrence burn with desire unlike any other he's ever felt before. He questioned why he thought he loved Alison before- he felt some sort of love for her before, but it was nothing like this. What he felt for Adam right then and there made him stop and stare, but it was too long for Adam's liking.

"Move," he demanded, grabbing a fistful of Lawrence's hair and yanking it forward so Lawrence moaned and rolled his cock forward and back again. Adam instantly moaned again, and Lawrence moved his hips gently a few times to make sure Adam was adjusted and comfortable.

He clearly was, and Lawrence knew now he could finally release all of the passion he had building up inside of him for months. He grabbed Adam's waist, holding their bodies flushed together and he thrust hard, ramming straight into Adam's prostate.

"Fucking christ! _Lawrence!"_ Adam cried out in shock, seizing Lawrence in his arms, feeling their breaths mingle. His cock twitched when Lawrence moaned, simply because it had to he the hottest noise Adam has ever heard, and fuck he needed to learn how to make Lawrence scream one day.

"D-do that... again," Adam whimpered, "Do that to me again and again..."

Lawrence did it again, watching Adam come undone in his arms, and then he fell into a rhythm, moaning every time he heard Adam scream, every time he felt Adam's body convulse, every time Adam tightened around him. It all felt too good to be true, and when Adam climaxed, he made the most beautiful noise Lawrence could imagine, and even better- Lawrence's name fell out of Adam's mouth, and it was enough for Lawrence to hang his head and release himself, gasping out Adam's name in the process.

Their breathing was suddenly so loud, and Lawrence's arms were suddenly shaking so hard, aching with pain and exhaustion, and the waves of heat were starting to slow. He gently slid out of Adam's body, then rolled over onto his side, gazing at Adam through his hazy eyes.

"Holy shit," Adam gasped once he could speak, sweat sticking to his body. "That was..." He breathed more, trying to focus on his words. "By far, the best sex I've ever had."

"Same," Lawrence responded, his heart rate slowing gradually, but it still pounded heavily. Light was peeking through the blinds, and the clock read 4:15 am.

"Jesus christ," Adam ran his forearm across his temples, squeezing his eyes shut. "I'm so tired, shit."

Lawrence sat up on his elbows, looking at Adam before standing and closing the blinds so the room was completely dark again. Adam curled up under the blankets. Lawrence scrunched his nose at him.

"Hey, I've felt filthier before, I don't give a shit," Adam grumbled, his eyes slipping shut. "I'll hate myself in a few hours but I don't want to move."

Lawrence smiled. "I'll be right back." He left to find a rag, which he dampened with warm water and washed himself off, then went in the bedroom and began to clean Adam, who drifted off and was now groaning in protest at the foreign feeling of wet fabric.

Once Adam was clean, Lawrence placed the rag on the nightstand and crawled into bed, pulling Adam close to his chest and kissing his forehead.

"Sicko, I'm all sweaty," Adam huffed.

"So am I," Lawrence joked, and nuzzled his nose in Adam's hair. "Please get some sleep." Adam didn't hear him. He was listening to the steady sound of Lawrence's heartbeat, thanking god or whoever he could thank that Lawrence was alive and that his heart was beating.

When Lawrence looked down, Adam's chest was rising and falling. Lawrence couldn't think of anything else he could look at that made him feel more relaxed. Simply seeing that Adam was breathing meant so much to him.

With Adam's head tucked against Lawrence's chest, they drifted into blissful sleep.


End file.
